I have an interview this afternoon at Anthropologie. Usually, I would end that last sentence with an ever-perpetual exclamation point, but as the morning turns and as my mind is consumed with the thoughts of my day, I can’t help but feel the weight of discouragement, failure and sadness.
My early and unwanted exit from my congregation left me in a dry desert of pain and despair, but our gracious and loving God has replaced my weary heart with joy and peace with what’s to come. I am grateful that He’s kept me alive – physically and spiritually – these past three months, but every so often the sin of spiritual doubt creeps into my heart and Satan takes a huge dump on my soul.
As I relinquish my thoughts and fears and pour them into my prayer journal, these words continue to churn in the depths of my mind, “What is God’s plan here?”
“What is God’s way for me?”
“Where is He taking me?”
Unless you’re a character out of the Old Testament or a follower of Benny Hinn, very rarely does God put a burning bush or talking ass in the paths of His children. While I do believe God does intervene in our lives in a supernatural and mysterious way, we are left more with unanswered questions and faithfully trusting in God without any insight into what He’s doing in our lives.
Our Father is all-knowing, all-loving and always on time but never early (thank you, Christine Ross for that nugget of wisdom!) While I’ve been walking down this deserted, lonesome road for the past few months, I have finally been blessed with direction – a fork in my path. I’m coming around the bend in the road and I can see this fork smack-dab in the middle of my path, waiting for me to decide which way God has for me.
While I still don’t know what direction I’m going to be heading in, I can take comfort in knowing that, simply, there is direction. God does have a plan here. I have not been left out in the cold. He’s still holding me in the palm of His hand. I have confidence that He will continue to guide me, provide for me, confirm whatever way He wants me to choose when the time is right, but I am given no more clarity than I had a few months ago.
Which is better – no direction or many? They are equally difficult and require enormous amounts of faith and trust. Rather than consuming my thoughts with worry, doubt and stress, I choose another path – one that I can control right now.
I choose joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self control.
I’ll let you know how the interview goes!