Marriage is terrifying.
It’s not the commitment – I commit myself to people, places, and things all the time.
It’s not the “settling down” – Lots of married people live adventurous lives, filled with excitement.
It’s not even the living-with-a-boy-who’s-not-your-dad thing – Boys kill spiders and can reach things on the top shelf and are really good at cooking meat over fire. What’s scary about that?!
What’s terrifying about marriage is that another human being knows everything about you – the good, bad, and the ugly – and they could bail on you because of the unlovable bits, but they choose to stay.
Ask me a year ago what I thought about marriage and I would have equated the act to the climax of a Stephen King novel. It was my biggest fear and most recent reality – being rejected because of my ugly parts. Marriage quickly transformed from a fairy tale, “Happily Ever After”, to a nightmare, however, God has been changing my heart about marriage.
In the past year, and more specifically in the past few weeks, I have seen how beautiful marriage is.
My parents have given me a fantastic picture of what a healthy, Christian, marriage is all about. My married friends at Mission have shown me that marriage is fun, yet challenging, and can be a great and exciting adventure with a best friend. God has opened my eyes to key points of Scripture, explaining that marriage is about love, is a give-and-take, but can only be as healthy as an individual’s relationship with their Creator.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. – 1 John 4:7a
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. – Ephesians 5:24-25
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:12b
After struggling through some fears and seeing God’s goodness in committed relationships, marriage isn’t as terrifying as I thought.
To say that I’ve completely conquered my fear of marriage would be a lie, but I feel like I’ve landed somewhere in the middle of “fairy tale” and “nightmare”. God is continuing to work on my heart and someday, He’ll put someone in my life to show me how wonderful a committed, Truth-seeking, “for better or worse“, relationship can be. After all, marriage is a mirror of Christ’s love for His Church.
If you’re also trying to sort out your thoughts on love and marriage, my prayer for you is that God would bring you to a place of peace and understanding. May He guide you on this path and continue to remind you that…
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. – 1 John 4:18a