Crossroads and Control

My life has been uncontrollably chaotic in the past few weeks and I haven’t had a chance to catch my breath, let alone sit down and write about this chaos. In fact, as my days increase in busy work and decrease with meaning, writing is the last thing on my mind and I find my soul missing this external outlet.

Here I am. Getting my oil changed and finding a sliver of time to sit and write. Time to finally breathe.

Friends, I am at a crossroads.

I believe there are a handful of moments in one’s life that could dictate the course of their path, with a single choice. It’s a red pill, blue pill situation. An “It’s a Wonderful Life” opportunity. One choice could alter everything.

Of course, my life is not this dramatic, but I am at a fork in the road and I’m waiting for a decision to be made. It’s times like this when my faith should kick into high gear, but I pick fights with God instead.

God calls me to trust in Him and He will make my path straight. Jesus reminds me that I shouldn’t worry about tomorrow because it’s already taken care of. In fact, today has enough worries in itself.

Easier said than done.

I trust God’s will…only when it lines up with my own.

I don’t worry about tomorrow…unless it makes me feel like I am in control.

I surrender my plan…when things are going great.

God asks me to let go, but I meet His request with closed fists, ready to punch. Releasing my stubborn, prideful, and often meaningless plans is not in my nature and I am ready to fight for my own way.

I am selfish and stubborn and I cannot let go.

Surrender, especially at a crossroads, cannot be done on my own. In the deepest crevices of my heart and soul, I know He asks me to give it all to Him because He gave it all to me, but I simply can’t.

I can’t surrender…at least, without the help of a Savior.

While God asks us to release our desires, let go of our will, and rely solely on His plans, He knows this isn’t something we can do on our own, but He asks anyway. God doesn’t crave our stubbornness or need our will, He, simply desires our trust. He doesn’t need us to surrender before His will can be done, but it’s certainly an easier pill to swallow, knowing He’s the One in control.

If you’re in this place, grasping your desires with a closed fist, I encourage you to pray this prayer with me:

“God, I know you ask me to surrender my will, but I’m going to need your help. Please change my heart and change my mind so that I am able to release my own way and desire yours instead. Shower me with faith and trust in you, so that I can let go and let you take it from here. I thank you for searching after me and reminding me that you’re the One who’s truly in control and ask this in your Son’s name. Amen.”

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